Girls are always expected to have flawless skin. Its not talked about but when you really think about it, the whole makeup industry is a testament to that unspoken statement.
It was difficult for me to find the right shade for my skin being darker than most so, while the light skin girls always looked as if they had smooth skin I was stuck with this rough dark skin that seemed to have a mind of its own.
Pimples were harder to see on darker skin and then again persons were focused on the darkness of my skin the conversation of pimples didn't come up much in conversations. Either way I knew they were there and if you came close enough and got by my skin tone you would definitely see them.
I had those fine bump that some people would call heat bumps. They were all over my face but rarely did i get those yellow ones that I saw my friend having. Nevertheless i had an acne problem.
The worse part about having those fine bumps is that there wasn't much to squeeze out. I had friends that got a zit here or there and they had creams and products to cover reduce the size and then they used makeup or that light face powder to cover up any blemishes.
Unless they were really messing with a big one it was hard to see that they had a serious skin issue. It wasn't so easy for me. No matter how dark the face powder it just wasn't dark enough to blend with my skin tone. So I had no way of covering any issues.
It was a nightmare for me to go out in public. The only time I felt comfortable was when I washed my face. My skin was dry so it looked smooth for a while but the next issue is that I had oily skin.
Imagine that, dark and oily skin. Not a good combination. Anyway I didn't really have a traumatic moment as it was something that was said constantly. Teased because of my dark skin and teased because of the bumps on my face.
It wasn't easy growing up on the Bahamas, as children can be cruel world wide but we some sorta special in the Bahamas. I used to be called all sorts of names.
- Tar Baby
- Booboo (this was not a good word back then)
- and the worse of them all UGLY
The names would go on and on and it was so easy for most persons to call me these names as it was the normal and accepted thing to do back in those days. Sensitivity wasn't much of a thing with Bahamians much less empathy.
Through my entire childhood although I was a very smart child, many persons would tease me because of my skin color and of course the bumps on my face.
My biggest disappointment came during graduation. You know back then we used to have sensible proms. It wasn't all about how you arrive or how you dress but more about who you went with and hanging out with friends. I had already planned in my mind that I was not going to the prom. Not because I didn't have any friend but because I dint want to be disappointed if no one asked me.
I didn't have a boyfriend either and looking at it now it was because I hung out with the nerdy girls in school. We all stuck together as there was safety in number but of course birds of a feather...
Anyway I remember wanting someone to come up to me and ask if I would be their date to the prom but deep down I knew it was not going to happen. Eventually my friends all got together and we decided we will all go to the prom as a group, well because none of us had boyfriends and no one wanted to ask any of us out. Its rather silly now that I think of it but it was serious at the time.
At the prom I remember things were going well, everyone was gelling having fun dancing and a boy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I was in shock. I didn't know what to say or do. So I stood there with my mouth wide open staring at him. Then he asked again. " you wanna dance?"
Then somehow I found my voice and blurted out YES!!
The look he gave me was the look on your face, you know, when you pass a dead dog on the street or something. Or like when you see a dead rat that has been rolled over in the road a few times. Yeah it was like that. Or atleast it felt that way.
Come to find out and I tell you no joke. It was like out of a scene from a movie. He was actually talking to a girl behind me
... (long pause )
Yeah he didn't wanted me, infact he looked at me with disgust. Now I know it was a mistake and he probably didn't mean to do it as his mind was focused elsewhere but at the time it felt like I was stabbed in the heart with a spear. That did little for my self esteem.
I would like to say that things are better now, and they are as by using better products on my skin in particular handmade soaps and natural butters, my skin has found it stride but the emotional scars are there. I still have that voice in the back of my head whenever Im talking to a guy wondering if he sees me as that little dark skin girl with tons of bumps on her face that family calls tar baby.
This is my skin story, a story of a dark skinned girl growing up in the Bahamas. Oh... now a days black is back so I get lots more compliments on my skin tone and it had helped with my confidence but there are just some things that are hard to get rid of.